I think I’m pretty reflective. So much so, that I often engage in conversations with people about me. I’ve been called a lot of things, but yesterday I was called cocky. Normally, when someone says something about me that I strongly disagree with, I become indignant. I’ll ask them to give me an example of when I behaved that way, but this time, I didn’t. In fact, I didn’t even care that he felt that way. I just accepted a difference in perspective and kept it moving.
This season I’m learning to stop responding to everything that calls for me, and to stop being afraid of releasing relationships that are of no benefit to me. It’s important for me to reflect on who I am and how I’ve grown so I can take note of who/what hasn’t grown with me. These are the people I’ve been dragging along rather than letting go. These are the ones I’ve identified no longer deserve access to me. I was telling one of my friends just the other day that I engage with certain people because I could, not because I wanted to, and my Lord that’s exhausting. After hanging with me, some people leave feeling better, and I love that I have that impact. Then there are those times when I’m wondering who actually pours back into me?
The scary part of cutting these relationships off is not the loss itself, but the connection with whom you’re losing. When someone can tell you, “I’m glad your daddy is dead,” you can forgive them, but that does not mean they should still have access to you. When someone can call you everything except your name, then call you a month later and say, “well if you’re still mad, that’s on you,” you can forgive them, but you can cut off their access to you. Accepting a person’s constant disrespect and draining energy all because they are family is crazy! It’s the true definition of insanity. Releasing people doesn’t have to be dramatic, it doesn’t need an announcement, you just do it because it’s for you, not them.
Sometimes, it’s difficult to talk about healing on this level. I saw a meme that read, “People mostly think we only need to heal from bad relationships, but the truth is people are healing from hateful parents, betrayal from friends, sibling feuds, academic problems, or sneaky business partners.” Not everything is about romantic relationships, and what you would not allow in a romantic relationship, you should not allow in any other relationship.
Healing, no matter from what, requires boundaries. I’m required to create my own safe space. I’m required to love me endlessly. I’m required to make room for me to thrive. I’m required to heal my own trauma. Brown Sugar, put your mask on first, Sis.
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