Love: The Battle

There’s this internal battle I face more than I’d care to admit. If I had to describe it, it’s kind of like The Titanomachy: The new generation of Greek gods vs. the older Greek gods. This battle for control of the cosmos is the battle of my love for you. Control. It’s the silent death of love.

Unlike The Titanomachy, there is no one winner. Some days the past wins.

The pain feels timeless and omnipresent; it’s everywhere all at once. It consumes my mind and strength and leaves me feeling insecure, foolish, and unlovable. It makes me question whether I was ready to move on although it’d been four years. I’d figured out how to hide my heart in plain sight like Rhea did Zeus in a cave.

Then, you. An undetectable breech in the most secure plan. “Hey, Soror.” I didn’t see you coming. Didn’t see you as a threat. Like Cronus, I gave you space, room, and access. I had no reason not to.

The time bomb was planted and set. Control. Your selfishness and greed grew while my heart did the same. Chiseling away at the stone around my fragile yet broken heart, I gave in to love again. The thoughts of it. The smell of it. The taste of it.

I would methodically roll love between my fingers and the palm of my hand. Clanking like Laurence Fishburne’s meditation balls in Boyz in the Hood. Or maybe more like two planets from the cosmos in the hands of Queen of the Gods, Hera. The goddess of marriage, women, the sky, and the stars of heaven.

Your plan of control detonated. Shattering the pieces of me that I’d cautiously and carefully attempted to put back together. A catastrophic blast. The aftermath? The remnants of my heart were ashes spread as far as the East is from the West.

Parts of that plan replay in my mind. Thus kicking up dust that forces the Titans into battle… again.

I am my father’s child, though. Athena, the goddess of war and favorite child of Zeus, I was born for battle.

I’m left standing in the middle of this war. Crouching in the middle of this war. Struggling in the middle of this war. Punished by control because Zeus knew how important and skillful of a fighter I was for the opposition. I’m Atlas. A giant bearing the weight of the entire world… or the fullness love… on my shoulders. Never dropping it. Never letting it slip. Never shrugging. Legs shaking. Arms cramping. Sweat in my eyes. Struggling. Crouching. Somehow responsible. There can only be a struggle, though, when someone is fighting for something.

Unlike The Titanomachy, there is no one winner. Some days hope wins. Hope is why I fight.

On the other side of that battle is me. Fighting for you. Staying in place as Atlas stood because for some foreign reason, in the back of my mind, or in the bottom of my heart, or deep in my bones… or ingrained in my DNA, I believe in love. I hope in love.

So, I pick up my weapons, with the spirit of Tyche, the goddess of chance, and I fight. I’m in this battle because I believe in love and I want to believe in your love for me. Regardless of what Pandora’s curiosity released the first time she opened her box: pride, envy, greed, pain, suffering and anything bad, I continue to fight. Because what I also know is that Pandora and her husband opened the box once again and released hope.

The goddess Persephone is the goddess of death and the Underworld, but also the goddess of spring, reincarnation, and growth. The crux of this battle is that I continuously have to fight this battle to allow control, hurt, and insecurity die so that regrowth and the promise of hope, love, and restoration become the very essence of who I am.

Although I know how the battle always ends because of the goddess Nike, it always ends in victory; it’s still a battle nonetheless. Love shouldn’t be a battle, but sometimes, standing, crouching, struggling through hurt to reach hope is the battle of love.

Fullness of Love

Five years ago today, Kip went in for surgery. I could probably forget this day, but while the date is not etched in my brain, the trauma I’ve experienced from losing him is branded in my bones….

I fully loved a man once. Unexpected. Unconditional. Unguarded. He brought with him trust, patience, reciprocity, grace, and honesty.

I was fully loved by a man once. He made it easy. Exciting. Endearing. I brought with me openness, willingness, appreciation, and even my broken pieces.

I fully loved a man once. And it was so dope. Two people who didn’t let past hurts or loving the wrong people influence our journey.

We closed our eyes, took a deep breath, and with my hand in his, we jumped. I don’t have a single regret because I fully loved a man once.

Don’t be afraid to close your eyes and simply jump. Sometimes, it can hurt, but there’s a chance it could be exhilarating…

Grief the Thief

During a session with my therapist, she talked about how the Fight or Flight responses had been expanded. She told me that now it’s Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn.

The FIGHT response is your body’s way of facing any perceived threat aggressively.

FLIGHT means your body urges you to run from danger.

FREEZE is your body’s inability to move or act against a threat.

FAWN is your body’s stress response to try to please someone to avoid conflict.

We don’t talk enough about how grief causes you to only know how to freeze when faced with even a semi-similar threat.

It blows my mind how certain words or topics abruptly steal the present moment from me. My words escape me and I feel the most insecure. It probably looks like I’m listening when honestly I’m mentally reminding myself to breathe regularly.

Inhale… 2… 3… 4… Exhale… 2… 3… 4… Again.

Right now, because I’m trying to find the middle ground between freeze and flight, I don’t care about how to work through this feeling in the future; I just want it to end.

When will it pass? When will I heal? Be normal again? Myself again? Take risks without feeling like death or grief will prove once again to be the greatest risk. To openly feel without fear of debilitating loss. Waiting for the other shoe to drop to confirm the grim bedtime story you already tell yourself where happiness and joy are fleeting. But grief…

Grief and his side kick Freeze are consistent and dependable.

Short Story Series: As Long As I Have You, I’m Never Alone

The sun broke through the blinds and made its way into Sloane’s deep sleep. She stirred a bit before fully waking up to Malcolm’s slight snoring. At some point during the night, he’d cocooned her like he did whenever she stayed the night with him. Even though his body heat brought an extra 7,000 degrees, she couldn’t think of a better way to wake up.

Sloane glanced over at the clock and saw that it was nearly 9am. Although she worked from home, she still stuck to a pretty strict schedule on the days she stayed over at Malcolm’s. He worked late last night so she knew he would sleep in awhile longer. She turned over and couldn’t help but admire how peaceful he looked with that sliver of sunlight cascading over his roasted almond colored chin and chest. He’d shaved his beard, but it was already growing back in with a few salt and pepper strands. Malcolm just turned 36 last month and he hated the gray that lightly speckled his beard. When he shaved his beard off a couple of nights ago, Sloan stood in the doorway of his bathroom and told him, “You do know that every time a man shaves his beard, an angel loses its wings.” Malcolm rolled his eyes and put her out of the bathroom.

Sloan propped her head up on her elbow and drank in Malcolm’s chiseled face. She was always envious of his luscious eyelashes that seemed to kiss the tops of his cheeks while he slept. She couldn’t help herself. Leaning over to place one kiss on the bridge of his nose and the other on his forehead, Sloane whispered the same prayer she prayed for this man each morning without his knowledge. She prayed for his peace, his finances, his family, and his protection. When she reached her “Amen,” she stroked his bald head and said, “I love you, Malcolm.” As if responding, Malcolm grunted and shifted to his back.

They’d been dating for nearly two years, and things were going really well. Malcolm’s adventurous demeanor matched Sloane’s, which was rare in her past. The guys she dated before somehow ended up needing her to take care of them emotionally. She didn’t get a chance to just be herself, until she met Malcolm. He accepted all of her and encouraged her to consistently be the woman he initially fell in love with. She wasn’t afraid to take risks, and it was dope that she’d been found by someone who could find the risks worth taking.

Sloane slid out of bed to get the coffee going. Then she went back to the bedroom to grab a tampon out of her bag. She used a liner last night since her period was supposed to start yesterday, so she knew she’d be in go mode by this morning. Her period was like clockwork.

But when she made it to the bathroom, there was no action. “Hmm. That’s different,” Sloane murmured. She didn’t think anything else of it, cleaned herself up and went to set up her laptop with a nice hot cup of coffee and avocado toast to get her work day started.

Around lunch time, Malcolm padded into his home office in a pair of basketball shorts that hung deliciously off his hips. He leaned in to kiss Sloane then bit a hefty bite of the banana she’d just peeled for herself.

“Good morning babe. Would you like a bite of banana?” Sloane asked him sarcastically. Malcolm laughed and replied, “Oh, you weren’t holding that for me?” They both laughed.

“Rested, Mal?”

“Meh.” Malcolm replied. “My body is tight. I’m about to go for a quick run. I plan to pick up lunch at the sandwich shop across the street. Text me what you want so you can eat. You need to take something now to get ahead of those cramps today.”

“Oh good idea! Ok, texting you now.”

A couple of hours later, Malcolm come home carrying lunch. He was sweaty and sexy and carrying food – just the way Sloan liked to see him. She shut down her laptop and went to have lunch on the couch with him. He had everything already laid out including her favorite Pittsburg Steelers blanket and was scrolling through the shows on his DVR. Good thing she finished the project she was working on because a shower and sleep was on the horizon!

***

Almost four weeks had passed and Sloan was nervously standing in the Family Planning aisle of the convenience store up the street from her house. She had a doctors appointment later that day but the suspense was killing her. Her period was nearly a month late and she was a nervous wreck at this point. There was no denying that something was definitely going on and she needed to rule out the obvious first. She grabbed a box with two tests, completed her purchase and hurried back home.

Twenty minutes later, Sloan sat in her empty bathtub in disbelief. Her heart was racing as she sat there with her arms wrapped around her knees as if protecting herself from the truth she’d just learned. There – as if in bright neon lights – sat two positive pregnancy tests glaring back at her from the side of the bathtub.

The sudden fatigue, tender breasts, and unexplained nausea all made sense. She’d noticed the changes a couple of weeks ago, but between traveling for work and helping her sister plan her wedding, she just assumed the stress had her body out of whack.

Her rapid thoughts ranged from how Malcolm always talked about the goals he wanted to accomplish before he had kids, to the fact that Sloan never wanted kids and her mind was ablaze with scenarios. Everything was about to change and she was so afraid of what this meant for her and Malcolm.

Her cell phone alarm notified her that it was time for her to get ready for her doctors appointment. She didn’t even realize she had been sitting in the tub for over an hour in a trance. Sloan said aloud, “Maybe these tests were a false positive. That happens more often than we know! Yea!” Feeling a little more confident, she wiped her tear stained cheeks and dragged herself out of the tub. She was a little dizzy when she stood up and said, “So, it begins.”

Dr. Lucas confirmed her fate. She was almost five weeks pregnant. Her doctor rambled off several details and next steps and it all echoed around Sloan. The pregnancy confirmation and all of the new information, paired with the most recent wave of nausea was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Overwhelmed with everything all at once, Sloan leaned over, dropped her head in her hands and sobbed.

“I’ll give you some time,” Dr. Lucas whispered and excused herself from the room. The nurse remained in the room and turned the sound down on the television that projected the black and white sac with a flicker of movement replaying. The nurse walked over and stood beside her, holding a cup of water and rubbing her back. “Oh, Sloan. I am so sorry you’re feeling this way right now,” the nurse told her and pulled her into an embrace. It was genuine and needed and made Sloan cry even harder.

***

“Sloane? What did you do? Why would you do this?” Malcolm said just above a whisper as he stood in Sloane’s bedroom doorway.

Shocked and perplexed, Sloan lifted her head from her tear soaked pillow and couldn’t meet Malcolm’s eyes. She could hear the palpable hurt in his voice.

“What did I do to make you lie to me like this? Sloane, why would you push me out and make our decision alone? What in the hell?” Malcolm squeezed out these words through tears.

” I thought -” Sloan started.

“You thought what?” Malcolm threw his hands above his head in frustration. “I talk to you about everything! I’ve cried to you about shit I’m dealing with and I don’t keep anything from you! But this? Sloane who in the hell are you right now? My kid? Our kid? Why? Baby, why? This shit hurts!”

By now, Sloane was sobbing.

“I realized your period didn’t come and I’ve been waiting on you tell me the news. Then today when I kept calling and you didn’t answer, I called your sister. She said you were in bed and not feeling well. Sloan you always come to my house when you’re sick. ALWAYS! I knew something was up.” Malcolm had the literature from the abortion clinic in his hands and was shaking it in Sloan’s direction. He slumped down into the chair next to Sloan’s bed – deflated. “How can you live with this decision?”

“Malcolm, I’m trying to be remorseful without being ashamed of myself,” Sloane yelled through sobs.

“Sloane, your tears don’t mean shit to me. I could’ve been there. I could’ve supported you. I could’ve… could’ve done anything because this was MY child too. You didn’t have to lie to me. You’ve never had to lie to me.” Malcolm was up pacing the floor.

“Malcolm! Please let me explain. I felt like I was making the right decision for us. We’ve talked about this. Neither of us wants children, right?” Sloan wailed.

“The hell? Sloan you don’t want kids. I do. You know that! We’ve talked about if it never happens, I’m fine, but if it did happen, we would figure it out! WE would figure it out! What happened to the WE? US? You just went and made this selfish ass decision on your own! If you would lie to me about a life changing decision like this, what else would you lie to me about?!” Malcolm spat out the last sentence.

As if realizing what he’d just said, his eyes widened. “I have no idea what you are truly capable of doing anymore.” Malcolm’s voice fell flat. Sloan watched compassion drain from his eyes in that moment and it made her stomach drop.

“Malcolm. You came over for an explanation. Please. Let me explain my thought and decision process.”

Malcolm waved his hand in Sloan’s direction and walked to the window. He kept his back to her.

“Malcolm,” Sloan started as she shifted to sit up in the bed, “I promise you I did not do any of this to hurt you. I was scared. Scared of losing you, scared of losing us, scared of bringing a baby into this world knowing its parents weren’t ready, scared of becoming a mom before we’re ready. You always talk about all of these things you dream of doing before you settle down and start a family. Just a few weeks ago you talked about how there was no way you could start a family until you had a certain amount in the bank and that promotion in your back pocket. Malcolm, I want that for you too. I want you to achieve every goal so you can be the father you dream of becoming.”

Sloan was finally sitting up in the bed holding a heating pad to her stomach. “Malcolm. Because of where we are, I felt like we needed more time.”

“Sloan, I was calling you this morning to let you know I got the promotion. Not only that, I’m in my mid-thirties, you’re in your early thirties. How much more time do we need? How much more time do you think you’ll have?!” Malcolm yelled.

“What did you just say to me?” Sloan growled. “How much time do I think I’ll have? All this damn pressure I put on myself for us and your response is to throw my biological clock in my face? You haven’t even asked me how I’m doing -“

Cutting Sloan off, Malcolm held up his hand. “That’s because you never wanted me to know how you were doing, and since you want to do this alone, I’ll let you.”

Malcolm got up and walked out of her room without looking back.

Devastated, Sloan curled herself into the fetus position and cried. Hard. She felt like all she’d done the last two weeks was cry. Her sister came into the room and climbed in bed with her.

“He’s – He’s gone! He left me!” Sloan let out between sobs. Sloan’s sister, Simone, stroked her hair and whispered to her, “Momma always told us, ‘Never forget how they gave you distance when you needed love.’ You’ll get through this, Sissy. I promise.”

Short Story Series: Girls Just Wanna Have (Weekend) Fun!

Shiloh stood in the mirror putting the finishing touches on her makeup and the final pins in her up do. She sang along to DVSN’s If I Get Caught while doing a quick once over in her bedroom full length mirror.

“If I get caught cheating; That don’t mean I don’t love you,” she sang aloud to the mirror.

Pleased with her denim shorts, orange crop top, hot pink blazer, and gold strappy sandals, she grabbed her keys and walked out the door. It was a pleasant 65 degree spring day and Shiloh was headed to meet Kris for lunch. She was so excited to meet up with him simply because they always have good conversation, he’s funny, handsome, and most importantly – honest.

“Good afternoon, beautiful!” Kris said as he stood and wrapped an arm around Shiloh’s waist. She smiled and hugged him back placing a quick kiss on his cheek before they pulled apart. He’d already ordered drinks and the waiter was placing salad on the table when she arrived.

They ate good food and had amazing conversation the entire time. That was one of the characteristics Shiloh really liked about Kris. He would always have something valuable to add to any conversation. He stimulated her mentally and never stifled her creative flow.

“At first, I thought I wanted dessert, but I can’t eat another bite of food,” Shiloh said leaning back in her chair.

“Yea, I still want dessert though. Guess I got to eat you. Let’s get outta here Shi.”

Several hours later, Shiloh woke up to the sounds of a thunderstorm and Kris wrapped around her in the most intimate way. She moved a bit to check the time. The digital analog clock across the room read 2:17am. Kris pulled her back close, kissed the back of her shoulder and said, “Not yet baby.” Shiloh smiled and slid back into that warm space designated for her.

Earlier, when they made it to his house, Kris made cocktails and they sat on the couch talking, cuddling and eventually watching Living Single. It was simple and exactly how Shiloh wanted to spend her Saturday. So dozing back off to the sounds of the thunderstorm in his arms was a no brainer.

Shiloh woke up seven hours later to no Kris and the smell of coffee. She got up and grabbed one of his graphic tees from the 3rd drawer on the right and headed for the kitchen. Kris was making breakfast while Duke Ellington played on his record player. He loved music. Because Kris was younger than Shiloh, she was always impressed by his taste in music. She stood in the doorway and watched him cook and dance around the kitchen. Without turning around he said, “Good morning, Shi.”

She giggled and asked, “How’d you know I was back here?”

“Cause I can feel you girl! We’re connected and shit!” he said as he danced over to her, grabbed her hand and spun her into his arms.

“Nah but for real, I could smell you. You’re wearing Bal D’ Afrique. My favorite. You remembered.”

She had remembered and he is exactly the reason she wore it. After breakfast and a couple more rounds in the living room and shower, Shiloh told Kris she had to leave. She spent most of Saturday with him and started her Sunday with him. Her momma would have a fit if she knew what Shiloh replaced her Sunday morning service with today. It’s just that whenever she could end and begin a week with Kris was always a plus.

Kris walked Shiloh to her car and told her to have an amazing week. She kissed him and they both agreed to link up Thursday. He kissed her deeply then patted her on the butt. She slid inside her car with a slight smile on her face, and went ahead and got her Bluetooth connected. Music flowed through the car as she pulled off.

On the drive home she thought back to how Kris had bound her wrists to her knees and she giggled and quivered. Just then her car told her she had a text notification and snapped her out of her debaucherous thoughts. She pressed the button on her steering wheel for the text to be read aloud.

“I was hoping I would get to see you yesterday, but didn’t hear back from you. I’m free today and need to see you baby. Let me know.”

When Shiloh stopped at a red light, she responded to Alijah’s text, “Dinner.”

The best way to describe Alijah is he’s Shiloh’s secret lover… Her part time lover… Her boyfriend number two. Well, maybe she’s girlfriend number two because he has a girlfriend. He and Shiloh are really good friends… with benefits.

Shiloh made it home and took a hot bath and slipped on yoga pants and her favorite HBCU crop tee. Afterwards she curled up on her sofa with a cup of hot tea and her Jasmin Guillory book when her phone rang. It was Dominick. She smiled slightly out of curiosity.

“Hello?”

“Hey baby! How’s it going?” Dominick asked. He sounded excited about something.

“I’m good. Just chilling on the couch for a bit. How’s Australia?” Dom’s job required him to travel quite a bit, so most of their communication was over the phone unless Shiloh traveled with him.

“It’s beautiful here, but hot. There’s been a few wildfires last week.”

Shiloh and Dominick have done this song and dance for about 7 months. In the beginning, things were fun and flirty, but now it feels like it fizzled out just as quickly as it started. Their conversations went from deep and intentional to surfaced small talk. In all honesty, Shiloh truly liked Dom, but his inconsistencies weren’t something she was interested in keeping track of lately.

“I saw on the news that the wildfires in Australia were getting pretty intense. They cancelled a couple of concerts there last week. Are you ok babe?” Shiloh was genuinely concerned, but didn’t expect anything deeper than where this conversation was currently.

“Yea, I’m fine baby girl. Listen, I wanted to run something by you. I have to be in Brazil at the end of the month. I’ll be there for 10 days and I want you to come with me. I know the Carnival is on your bucket list, so… What do you think?”

This was one of the characteristics she loved about Dom. When he wasn’t so self-absorbed, he was the sweetest and most spontaneous man. He remembers small details and wants to involve her in his life. Like how he’d text her pictures while he was away on business just so she could still be part of what he had going on there.

“Hell yes, I’m going! I’m so excited babe! I hope your workload isn’t too demanding while we’re there and you get a little time to enjoy the festivities with me. Thank you for thinking of me and including me on this trip. I appreciate you, Dom.”

“Great! I’ll get everything set up and email you the details. So… What are you wearing?” The true Dominick certainly doesn’t waste time does he…

Later than evening, Shiloh was almost done cooking dinner when the doorbell rang. She opened the door to Alijah’s perfect smile set in his beautiful brown face. He walked in and bent down so his 6’4 inch frame could scoop her up in his arms. When he placed her back down, he handed her flowers.

“Alijah! You know how much I love Calla Lilies,” Shiloh gushed as she inhaled the flowers. They both walked to the kitchen where she arranged the flowers in a vase and placed the arrangement on the kitchen island.

“Dinner smells good girl! What did you make?”

“One of your favs. Bourbon glazed salmon fried rice. I bought you more whiskey too. Can you grab it for me?”

Alijah went to grab the decanter from inside her liquor cabinet and placed a kiss on the top of her head before pouring a glass. They sat down to dinner and talked about various topics, but somehow landed on relationships.

“Shiloh?”

“What’s up Alijah?”

“Real talk. If we do this, then what?”

Then I scratch you off my to do list. That’s what. Shiloh thought. What in the hell did he mean by “if we do this”? The problem with when men make statements like this, is if women aren’t careful, we’ll mistake comments like this for a man expressing how he truly feels about us. Lies. It has nothing to do with the woman and everything to do with him realizing in this moment that he’s not in control of this situation.

To buy herself some time, Shiloh said, “I’m not sure I understand the question baby.”

“You’re the only one, since my mother, who gets me. I get to be myself around you and that’s real important to me. Shiloh I want to be able to tell everybody you’re my girl because that’s how good you make a nigga feel. I get to see how much better I can be through your eyes, baby. So I guess I’m saying, if I pull the trigger, can we make this work?”

Alijah already looked tense and now she was possibly about to make it worse.

“Jah, let’s pump the breaks. I’m not asking you to leave your girl. I’ve never asked you for that. I knew what this was when you told me about her. What we have feels like what you described because we aren’t doing life together. We’re not paying bills and raising children. This…” she pointed back and forth between the two of them, “what we’re doing… comes with no responsibilities. I care about you like crazy, and you know that. I look forward to your phone calls and the time we get to spend together no matter how limited it may be, but the truth is I wouldn’t trust you.”

Alijah looked confused. “Trust me? I wouldn’t hurt you baby. You know that.”

“Alijah, what I know is what you show me. How easily you run to me when your girl isn’t meeting a need, and that’s been a pattern for you. You got with her while you were still in your last relationship. I’m not looking to be your escape plan or to settle down right now. I’m enjoying dating. We’re all dating to have our needs met, not just a need met. The main reason I’m single now is because I haven’t found the person who meets all or most of my needs.”

Shiloh told Alijah all of this while holding his hands at her dinner table. He brought her hand up to his face and kissed her knuckles. “Girl you are something else with yourself, you know that?”

“Jah, I love you, and I hope this doesn’t change anything. If it does, I understand and I’ll always respect any decision you make.” She leaned over to kiss him and he didn’t mind.

Shiloh got up to clear the table and Alijah got up to help her. She heard a notification on her phone and went to check it.

It was Dom. “Busy?”

“Having dinner right now, can I call you a little later?”

She put her phone down and went back to the kitchen. Alijah was loading the dishwasher and she walked up behind him and massaged his shoulders. Come with me. She grabbed his hand and led him out back. When they stepped onto the patio she told him to take his shoes off.

They stood in the grass barefoot staring into one another’s eyes with his arms around her and her hands on his biceps. She leaned up to kiss him and said, “I only need you in this moment with me.” Shiloh sat on a chair and asked Alijah to sit on the ground between her legs.

He sat in the grass and she pulled his shirt over his head. Shiloh massaged his shoulders. Alijah closed his eyes and let the setting sun warm his body. She rubbed his neck and chest. His body swaying with her as she found a rhythm to release the tension from his body. She ran both hands down his arms, massaging along the way. She kissed the side of his face, then his ear, then his neck. A trinity. He met her fourth kiss with her lips and they lingered there awhile longer. She broke away long enough to suggest they move to the hammock, where they lay in silence and watched the sunset.

“Shiloh, it’s getting late baby.”

“Yea, you need to head out. Go shower first though. You don’t need to leave here smelling like another woman!” They laughed and Alijah headed to the shower.

Shiloh grabbed her phone to scroll through her socials. She had two texts from Dom and one from Kris.

“What’s for dinner?” “I really miss you, baby.” Those were both from Dominick.

She typed a quick reply. “I had salmon and rice. Something quick and simple. I miss you too. I miss us.”

Shiloh felt like she had been saying that to Dominick a lot lately, and it came a little too close to begging for her to be comfortable with it.

Kris texted a photo of Shiloh asleep in his bed with the voiceover saying, “Boy we had a time last night.” She laughed out loud just as Alijah walked out of the bathroom.

“What’s so funny baby?” He asked.

“I’m scrolling through these TikTok videos. Ready?”

She walked him to the door and kissed him goodnight.

“I love you girl. For real.”

“Jah. I love you back and I love what we have – the way we have it. Don’t stress about this. I’m not going anywhere baby.”

He smiled and kissed her forehead before leaving.

Shiloh locked up, turned on her alarm and headed to her bedroom to get some rest.

Right when she was about to try to unwind, her phone rang. It was her best friend Staci.

“Hello?”

“Hi girl! Are you by yourself?” Staci asked.

“I am now.” Shiloh responded.

“Finally! Ok heifa start with Friday! I already got my popcorn ready!”

They laughed hysterically as Shiloh started recapping her weekend fun.

Short Story Series: Veni, Vidi, Vici

Esme stood on the veranda of her new home overlooking Milan, Italy. She did it. She actually quit her job as a pharmacist, packed all of her belongings and moved to Italy to study art. There’s nothing like a painful train wreck of a breakup to make you embrace change. Esme’s boyfriend of 11 months took the leap and proposed to her during his birthday dinner. While Apollo was an amazing boyfriend, he wasn’t exactly husband material.

She had no clue he was even thinking about marriage, and if the topic had come up, she would have told him she liked the way things were. Instead, there she was standing in front of Apollo on the dance floor with him on one knee, and at least 250 pairs of eyes on her and just as many cell phones going live. She was mortified. She turned down his proposal and left the venue. Social media was blazing for at least a week. Apollo is a well known figure in the DMV, and no one, and I mean no one, turns Apollo Bowen down for any reason.

The trauma from the proposal mixed with her dwindling love for her career as a pharmacist turned her once outgoing personality into a bit of a homebody. After a lot of prayer and even more tears, Esme gave herself eight months to relocate. She’d always wanted to study art, so she went where the expertise originated.

Esme had been in Milan now for about two weeks and usually went out for a walk each evening. On the way home, she’d always stop by this cute little ice cream shop for gelato so she grabbed money from her purse for later.

She loved to sit outside and doodle to draw inspiration, so she walked to the gardens. The architecture here was so beautiful. Each brick held a different story and she wanted to tell those stories through her art.

Just before she made it to the park, like clockwork, Esme heard, “Corri un rischio sull’amore, Bella.” She looked up to see Matteo sitting on an apartment fire escape. She waved and smiled the same shy smile she did each time she heard him say it. She had no idea what he was saying, but it seemed nice enough.

On the way back home, Esme stopped for gelato. Matteo was walking out as she was entering.

********************************

“Hi Esme! You should try the pistachio gelato today. Nonna is not here, so you better believe Alessandro absolutely added something different.”

“OK! I turned to Alessandro and told him one pistachio gelato, please.” I noticed Matteo was still standing at the door. He smiled and asked, “Can I join you for the remainder of your walk?”

“I’d like that,” I replied. I would appreciate the company. Matteo and I met a couple of years ago through a mutual friend, and there was something about him that I was drawn to. I can’t exactly put my finger on it. He seemed mysterious and reserved, but I had the opportunity to see his fun side as well. So after the whole proposal debacle with Apollo, a conversation with Matteo convinced me to come to Italy. He knew someone looking to sale a beautiful home and everything simply fell into place.

We found a spot to sit in the garden to eat our gelato. “So, Matteo. Tell me something about you that I don’t know.”

“Well, My father is African and my mother is Italian. I came here originally to study art design and fell in love with the country. My father would bring my mother home every 2-3 years for the summer, so this was home in a way. I want to build. Here. Connect to my roots in a way that knocks down doors and prepares spaces for my children.”

Matteo had this far off look in his eyes. I knew he was here physically, but his mind was light years away. Watching him in this sunlight give me a chance to take in his copper skin and broad shoulders. He wore his hair cut low but his beard full. When he looked down at me, I felt like I’d been caught doing something. He smiled that sweet boyish smile where the corners of his mouth curled up and small crinkles formed in the corners of his eyes. I dropped my head and turned all of my attention to my gelato.

“What about you Esme? Where did your name come from?” Matteo asked.

“Oh – Ummm. Well. Esme is my middle name. Sorta.. It’s short for Esmerelda after my great grandmother. My grandmother would always call me Esme.”

“Wait. So what is your first name?”

“Nova.” I scrunched up my face when I said it and looked up at him.

“Nova. Mmm. Nova Esmerelda. I like it.” Matteo said my name aloud slowly. Allowing each syllable to glide over his lips and tongue with that deep sensual voice of his. Shit his voice was problematic.

I caught my thoughts running wayward and giggled at myself.

“Why are you laughing? I take it you do not like your first name?” Matteo asked, breaking my thoughts.

I turned around towards him, now walking backwards. “It’s not that I don’t like it. It just doesn’t hold the same love and ancestral strength as Esme.”

Just then, someone came around the corner on a scooter, and Matteo snatched me out of the driver’s path. My back was pressed snuggly to his chest and his left arm was wrapped around my waist. I drifted between fear and lust, both driven by adrenaline, when he leaned so closely that I could feel his breath on my ear. “That was some ancestral strength for your ass.”

Then he turned so he could yell aggressively at the driver. There was such comfort in that space. I stepped away from him and said, “Goodness! Thanks Tae.”

“That idiot should slow down!” Matteo replied looking back over his shoulder. I turned to continue walking, and I felt Matteo’s hand on the small of my back. I yearned to feel his skin. Connect with him to see if I was imagining the energy I felt. I reached my right hand behind my back and placed my hand on top of his hand. His hand was smooth and warm and… magnetic. We walked like that in silence until we reached my door.

“Thanks for the recommendation. The gelato was amazing,” I said to Matteo. It was the first time I’d looked into his eyes since my near death scooter experience. The energy between the two of us was almost tangible.

He reached out and brushed along my cheek with his knuckle. I leaned into his touch and closed my eyes. “Not as amazing as you are. Corri un rischio sull’amore. Ciao Esme.”

When I opened my eyes, Matteo had a sly smile on his face. With a slight nod of his head, he turned and walked off.

I went inside for a cold shower.

I was lying in bed when I heard a notification on my phone. It was Matteo. Why in the hell was Matteo texting me at 1:40 in the morning?

I have to be honest. I’ve thought of you since I left you this evening.

Insert wide eyed emoji here.

Matteo, it’s so late. What are you still doing awake?

I sat up and rubbed my eyes to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing.

I’m awake because I want to be up with you. You’ve found a way to take up space in my mind since the day I met you. I crave any piece/peace of you, Esme. I guess what I am trying to say is would you like to spend the day with me tomorrow? I would like to show you Italy, the university, the gardens, the architecture, the ruins. All of it. All of me.

It’s been nearly a year since I’d gone on a date. Oh, but a date with him? *screaming inside* There was so much I wanted to learn about Matteo. There’s definitely a story there.

I’d love to Tae! I’m glad to know that this… what I’m feeling… that I’m not the only one. 11:30a work?

This was really happening!

Yes. I can’t wait. Sweet dreams, Esme. Corri un rischio sull’amore.

Hmm. If I had to write what I thought he’d been saying… I was way off.

Matteo? What does that mean? Corri un rischio sull’amore

I was wondering when you would ask. I’ve been saying this as my affirmation since you told me you would relocate. It means “Take a Risk on Love.” See you tomorrow.

Short Story Series: Case Closed

I was sitting across the chaise lounge in our bedroom when I heard the house alarm chirp. I looked over to the nightstand and saw that the clock read 2:41am. This shit was getting old. I had the balcony door open for a little fresh air and Ledisi softly playing on surround sound. I picked up my wine glass and took a nice long gulp to help me with one of two things. I either needed courage to speak my mind or apathy to not give a damn. Either way, I was relying on the bottom of this glass to deliver the proper response I needed.

“Wassup baby? What you still doing up?” Brian was bold as hell.

“I decided to stay up to get your lie tonight instead of waking up to it. You wanna lie to me now or after you shower?” I didn’t choose courage or apathy. I chose violence.

He actually had a nerve to look shocked by my response.

“Ashley what’s your damn problem? You know I had to work late. I texted and told you that around 8:00.” Brian was talking with his lying ass hands. He always made these dramatic ass hand gestures to make whatever he was saying sound more believable. So I decided to play for awhile.

“That’s right baby. I forgot. My bad. You hungry?” I stood up in my peach boy shorts and matching crop top and headed downstairs to the kitchen. I put my wine glass in the dishwasher and grabbed Brian’s dinner from the fridge.

“You.. you already cooked?” Brian stuttered. I giggled and said yea baby. I told you that.

While his food was warming, I went to our liquor cabinet and pulled out the Gentleman’s Jack. I looked up and saw Brian’s goofy ass still standing in the doorway looking confused. I poured a glass of Jack with a splash of sprite and sat it on the counter. I poured myself a glass of water, grabbed the food, put it on a plate, and sat it next to his drink.

I walked over and kissed Brian on the neck. Apparently, that bitch had the same thought because he had makeup on his collar and smelled like Tiffany’s perfume.

“Tell me about work, baby,” I said leaning over the counter.

“Girl this is why I love you like I do,” Brian said before sitting down and digging into his lamb chops, honey glazed vegetables, and scallop potatoes.

“Work was cool. We had a late meeting that started at 9. They talked for an hour and a half about routine changes that needed to be made for the company, then we…” Brian went on and on about some bullshit that either never happened or he was retelling his work DAY. I took a seat next to him and drank my water. I gave him my undivided attention since I had time.

Zzzz! Zzzz! Zzzz! Zzzz!

Brian’s phone was vibrating in his pocket. I looked over at the stove and it was 3:20am. I laughed, got up from the island, and placed my glass in the dishwasher.

“Damn these folks from work just don’t…”

I cut him off before he could embarrass himself anymore.

“Brian, quit playing in my face before it get ugly in this mothafuckal real fast.” Then I walked out.

My bag was already packed and my room was booked. I went into my walk-in closet and changed into black yoga pants, a long sleeved Spelman shirt and my airmax. I opened my closet door, but stopped to turn around to grab my duffel bag. I heard Brian say, “Girl come on out here so I can show you how much I love you.”

I stepped out of the closet to him laying ass naked in the bed on his back stroking his manhood. I can’t front. It was an absolutely glorious site.

“Stay focused Ashley,” I told myself.

When Brian saw me dressed with my bag, he practically leapt out of the bed.

“Where the fuck you think you going?”

In my sweetest full of shit voice I said,“Oh baby I didn’t tell you? I have to work early.”

“Ashley, stop with the damn games. What’s your problem now,” Brian yelled exasperated.

“I don’t have a problem this time. I actually don’t give a damn. The problem is your dumb cocky ass think you’re smarter than what you are.”

Brian grabbed his grey underwear off the chaise lounge I was sitting on earlier. I saw the lipstick around the waistband.

“Here you go. It’s always some damn drama with your crazy ass! Why you so hell bent on mistreating the person that love and care about you?!” He was yelling now.

I stopped at our bedroom door and turned around. “You know what? I knew you would try these games again, so let’s go.”

“1. When you texted me, I waited 20 minutes then called the firm. They told me you already left for the evening. So, to be sure, I rode downtown and sure enough your car was gone. B. Because your goofy ass is a creature of habit, I went to your favorite restaurant, Rowan Charles. I walked in and asked the receptionist the time of the reservation for O’Hare and she said 8:30. She even confirmed that it was still for 2 guests. I told her yes. And lastly, you don’t even have enough sense to fuck with a woman who has something to lose! You around here wining and dining her so of course she wants that full time. Staci called me a month ago. I got pictures, texts, and receipts from trips you took with her. You led me to every single Blue’s Clue I needed. So no it ain’t always drama on my end messy ass nigga!”

“Baby Staci is lying! I went to dinner with the team!”

I put my hand up. Brian please. Save that bullshit. What’s sad is you would rather hold onto a lie than your wife. I’m done,” I yelled. I went to the chest of drawers and pulled out an envelope.

I threw it at him. “You can’t lie your way out of this. Those are pictures Staci has been sending me for the past month. When you finish flipping through that, make sure you sign the divorce papers in there, too.”

“Baby! Please can we talk?” Brian had both of his hands on the top of his head. I walked into the bathroom. I came out and handed him the positive pregnancy test.

“Ashley! You’re pregnant? Baby we’ve been trying for two years and I know I fucked up, but this is even more reason for us to talk this out! Baby please!”

“This is even more reason for us to not say another word to each other and walk away with dignity. That’s Staci’s pregnancy test.”

Brian dropped to his knees and started to sob.

“Congratulations,” I told him with tears in my eyes then turned on my heels and walked out.

Short Story Series: How Do You Like Your Coffee?

“Angela, I need all of the edits on my desk not a minute past 8:45am Monday.”

My boss, Jerry, had to be the biggest procrastinator this side of the Mississippi River. Here I was about to finally clock out an hour and a half past the time I was supposed to leave, and he’s dropping another manuscript on my desk. Now, instead of heading out to drink Washington Apples with the girls for our Friday Night Girls Night, I’ll be home making last minute edits to some crappy book in my PJs and drinking spiked coffee.

“I can’t make it tonight. Jerry the Jerk is on this shit again.”

I sent the girls a text in our group chat, packed up my things and headed out into the cool fall air. I was wearing khakis, a red company polo, and my favorite denim jacket. My twist out was giving what needed to be given and my melanin was yet popping in the sunset. My apartment was only five blocks away, so I walked to and from work. I stopped by the local coffee shop, Lucy’s, to grab something to help me work late on a Friday night.

I walked into the cute coffee shop. It was one of my favorites. Lucy’s had two levels. The lower level was all things tea and coffee with both high and low tables for people to come in and work. The upper level was a small library with tables to work as well as plush chairs and sofa’s for comfortable reading.

Initially, I was going to grab a coffee to go, when I saw Daniel sitting at a bistro style table near the register. God, that man was fine. Fine was actually an understatement. Dark skin, beautiful full lips that held the most breathtaking white smile I’ve ever seen in life! He wore his thick loose curly hair in a tapered fade and a neat goatee that framed that gorgeous mouth. Goodness, that mouth… I don’t even have the mental bandwidth to go down that rabbit hole right now.

Daniel worked as an investment banker. We ran into each other at Lucy’s regularly. He’s more friendly than you’d think and he had absolutely no idea I was in love with him.

“Burning the midnight oil early tonight, I see,” Daniel said after I ordered my coffee and hovered near the side under the “Pick Up” sign.

“Unfortunately. I had plans tonight, but I guess these plans had me, ” I said with an aggressive eye roll. “What are you doing here tonight?”

“I have a meeting in the morning with a major corporation. I needed to go over my presentation, but I needed a change of scenery so I could think. It’s pretty empty in here on Friday’s so I came over and set up shop,” Daniel answered running his fingers through his hair. He looked a little frazzled if you asked me. So unlike the Daniel I chat with twice a week.

“Order for Angie!” I went to grab my drink and was about to head out, when Daniel stood up abruptly, semi-blocking my exit.

“Listen, Angie? I was wondering if you wanted to share a space upstairs for awhile? I still have a couple of hours of work left, and I know you have some work to do, too.

Bambi. You already know what I mean. Straight deer in headlights. I could not believe Daniel Burgess was asking me, Angela Kinsey to share a space with him on purpose.

‘Uhhh, yea. That’s cool. Of course.” I stumbled through what should have been a simple “yes.”

“You want to head up and find a space while I pack my things? Asked Daniel

“Sure,” I replied breathing heavy.

I headed up the side spiral staircase confused but excited.

Daniel came up with his tan satchel thrown over his shoulder and holding two cups of coffee. “You know you drink coffee like water,” he said. Then he sat a cup in front of me and the other in front of him.

“Daniel,” I started. “Thanks for the invite. I probably would have gotten home and been completely unmotivated to get started on reading this tonight.”

“Can I be honest?” He asked.

“Of course.”

“I’m hella nervous about this meeting tomorrow. I was frustrated and asked God to give me a sign that I was on the right track. Then I looked up and in you walked; right on cue. You’ve helped me get through some pretty big projects this past year and a half, so when I saw you, I knew you were my sign.”

“Damn Daniel,” slipped out before I could think of a better response.

He chuckled. “I asked if I could be honest!”

“Well, thank you for that. Truly. Daniel, you’re good at what you do. Don’t second guess yourself now.” I said as I pulled out the manuscript. He smiled and pulled out his laptop.

We sat in the corner of the library next to a window that overlooked downtown. The space was dimly lit against the natural light pouring in from the sunset. The round table had two plush rolling chairs.

I started reading and immediately taking notes. Another love story. These were my favorite to edit. Seeing how different authors could write various types of love stories made me hopeful. Somewhere in that fiction had to be some truth, right?

I’m not sure why, but I looked up, and saw Daniel looking right at me. He smiled slightly then looked down at his laptop.

Wait. What in the hell is happening right now?

I locked back in on the manuscript and got to the most beautiful engagement scene. Without realizing it, I had my feet curled under me, and my right hand across my chest. I exhaled then looked up and met Daniel’s eyes.

“Let me guess. Another love story.”

And we both erupted into laughter. I saw Lucy peek her beautiful golden afro between two rows of books and we both covered our mouths.

“Sorry Lucy!” I mouthed. She slid her glasses back up her nose and mumbled, “Mmm hmm.” Then she smirked and went back down the aisle.

“Angie?”

“Wassup, Daniel?”

“What’s your perfect love story?”

I looked at him to see if he was serious, and he had closed his laptop, interlocked his fingers on the table and leaned in.

“I don’t really think I have a true love story, Daniel. At this point, I’m not sure what love story I’m still holding onto and which one I’ve simply read about over and over.”

“Nah. That’s not a truthful answer. Here.” Daniel reached for the manuscript and I handed it over.

“Give me your hands,” he instructed. “Now close your eyes.”

I did as I was told. Daniel was now next to me instead of across from me like before.

“Now.” Daniel started. “Angie what’s your truth? Forget about being ashamed or embarrassed. Let’s start with something easier.”

“Ok.”

“Keep your eyes closed. What do you smell right now?” He asked.

“It’s interesting because I can smell that distinct book smell and your cologne. I think that might be Prada.”

“Impressive!” He exclaimed and gave my hands a gentle squeeze. “Ok. What do you hear?”

“Hmmmm…” I turned all of my focus to listening. “I hear the coffee grinder and I think that’s You & I by Marsha Ambrosius playing softly.”

“Impressive again!” He said. “Now. Angie. Share your heart with me. What do you feel?”

I took a deep breath and tears sprung to my eyes out of nowhere. My words came rushing out with my exhale.

“I just need to be held so I can fall apart and be told I’m ok by someone I trust holding all of my pieces in place for me because right now, I can’t.”

“Oh shit Angie!”

I could hear the wheels of his chair roll across the carpet. He startled me when he pulled me out of my seat and into his arms.

“You are ok. In fact, you’re more than ok, and it’s ok not to feel like it all of the time. You can trust me to hold all of your pieces in place for you.” We stood their in the middle of Lucy’s wrapped in each other’s arms while I cried quietly on his shoulder.

“Thank you, Daniel.” I whispered.

“Nah Angie. Thank you for trusting me with this moment… with this release… with this truth.”

I lifted my head from his shoulder and took a small step back. “Your turn. Share your heart with me.”

I noticed his shoulders slumped a bit, then a boyish smile spread across his face.

“I guess I asked for this huh?” He replied while pointing at my chair for me to have a seat.

“You ever heard of the author JM Storm?” He asked.

“Of course! He’s one of my favorites on Instagram! His bio says ‘Helping you to articulate how it feels.'”

“Yea. That’s him. He has this quote that says,” Daniel closed his eyes and started to recite the JM Storm quote.

“‘and some are just different and you will feel their impact immediately in the way you hear them with your heart and see them with your soul.'”

For some reason, my heart rate sped up.

“Angie, the day I laid eyes on you was an immediate impact. I saw you when you walked in here wearing denim shorts with a white linen shirt. Your hair was pulled up into a gorgeous bun. You were still old school with your editing, so every once in awhile, you’d put a pencil in your mouth to flip back through the pages for something. I was mesmerized by you. I asked you if you knew the nearest sushi restaurant for me to take a potential client, and when you looked up at me with those intensely amazing brown eyes, I had no idea what you were saying because I heard you with my heart and saw you with my soul. Angie. I’ve been crazy about you since the day we met.”

Here I was sitting across from the man I’ve had the biggest crush on (yes, at this big age) for a year and a half confess his feelings for me. Tears started rolling down my cheeks.

“I know this is probably a lot and more than likely disrespectful to any guy you may be dating, but Angie, I can’t keep seeing you and talking with you then going home to play dozens of what ifs in my head. I should’ve told you months ago how you make me feel, but hell I’m telling you now.”

Again, Bambi. Except this time, I’m pretty sure my mouth was open too. I stood up just to catch my breath and gather my thoughts and Daniel stood up with me.

“Angie, I’m the love story. I’m your love story. Baby, I love you,” he said as he pulled me back into the safety of his arms again, and kissed me slowly and deeply. Let’s write the story of us, baby.”

I stood there for a moment looking into Daniel’s eyes trying to figure out if this leap I felt compelled to take was safe.

I smiled and asked him, “Whose version will we tell?”

Short Story Series: Catching Flights & Feelings

Andrew let out an exasperated sigh as he plopped into his window seat in first class. He dropped both arms on the arm rests and allowed the weight of his head to sink into the headrest. His smooth chestnut skin seemed to glow in the sunlight casting from the window. He reached up to stroke his full beard that was sprinkled with a few strands of silver wisdom as he always did when he was in deep thought. “Might as well,” he said just above a whisper. He pulled his phone from the chest pocket of his sports jacket.

“I wish you could see the sunrise here on this clear crisp morning. The way the pink skies are kissing the snow white mountains… This is an impressively stunning view.”

Andrew read over the text once more. With a slight shrug of his shoulders, he pressed the blue arrow to send his text message just as the passenger who would ride next to him on this 5-hour flight slid into her seat.

She was breathtaking! Slightly flustered and beautifully chaotic, she slipped her shoulder bag off and placed it under the seat. Andrew sat there in awe watching her move. Her lovely honey blond locs were pulled up into messy bun, her nutmeg colored face held high cheekbones and the most beautiful pair of nearly Asian eyes. She was patting her pockets and leaned forward to search her bag. I noticed her cell phone bobbling on the arm rest next to her. I picked it up and held it out, “Looking for this, I asked?”

She clasped her hands together and pulled them into her chest. “Thank you so much! For some reason, I just cannot get myself together today.” she responded.

She reached out to grab her phone and her fingertips brushed the palm of my hand. As cliché as I know this sounds, I felt something. It was almost… electric.

“We all have days like that, so you’re in good company,” I told her.

“Thank you. At least I have the next 5 hours to sit still for a change.”

It wasn’t until Andrew’s phone vibrated on his leg that he realized he had to have been staring at her. He had to tear his eyes away from her to direct his attention to his cell.

“That sounds beautiful! How does it make you feel?”
He distractedly responded, “It… referring to? We shall have pillow talk tonight.”

“The view.”

Oh shit he thought. Andrew forgot he even sent her that message.

“The view… makes me wanna share it with you,” Andrew rushed to send that text, then put his phone on airplane mode. Mystery Lady was scrolling through Instagram on her phone seeming to visibly relax.

“Headed to Tampa for business or pleasure,” she asked without taking her attention away from her phone.

“Who me?” Andrew replied almost too excitedly. “Pleasure. Headed to visit a friend.”

“Same.” She said.

The pilot came onto the speaker explaining that there would be a delay due to a thunderstorm in Tampa. Our flight would be delayed an hour so we had to deplane. I exited the plane and sat at my gate. Mystery Lady came to sit next to me. Her knee brushed mine when she sat down and that same electric current shot through me again. Before I knew it, we were talking and laughing like old friends. The time came for us to board the flight again and we were first. I asked if she wanted my window seat, and she declined. “I actually hate flying. My anxiety is always through the roof,” she said with a nervous chuckle.

The flight took off and I looked over at her again. She had her head back, eyes closed, and she was sitting on her hands. Her knee bounced with anticipation and I could see her mouthing something. It looked like she may have been counting.

I leaned closer to her and asked, “What’s your favorite genre of music?” I startled her. “My apologies!” I rushed through an apology and explanation. “Music helps me on the takeoff and I was going to let you listen to one of my playlists if you had headphones or Airpods.”

Why did this damn woman make me nervous?

“Oh how thoughtful,” she sighed. “I was trying to take my mind off of it, but if you don’t mind, could you just talk to me?” She asked with the sweetest smile that turned my insides into an inferno. Shit!

I asked her to tell me her plans in Tampa. She told me she was surprising a friend of hers she hadn’t seen in about 7 months. She described her best friend with so much adoration in her eyes. The friend recently relocated to Tampa for work and was having a difficult time adjusting to a new city, a new job, and a long distance relationship. “I just feel like she needs some girl time,” she said reaching for her Ginger Ale the stewardess brought by just before.

“She’s a lucky person to have a friend as thoughtful as you.”

“Thank you!” she responded with that same sweet smile. Then she pulled her headphones on and connected the cord to her cell.

I smiled. Genuinely. For the first time in months. I turned to my left and slid up my window shade. It was twilight. The sky illuminated with a mixture of violets, oranges, and yellows. It was damn near magical. Like Mystery Lady had me feeling.

“This is your captain speaking. We’re approaching that same thunderstorm that delayed us earlier. We’re going to ascend to about 30,000 feet to fly over it. Thanks for flying with us and I’ll keep you updated.”

About 15 or more minutes later, we hit serious turbulence. I heard Mystery Lady gasp loudly. I looked over and saw her sitting straight up, gripping her seat back table for dear life with her eyes closed. I instinctively reached over with my right hand and grabbed her left hand. Then I let her seat back table up with my left. She looked over at me with such a frightened expression. I unplugged her phone, plugged her headphones into my phone and pressed play on John Coltrane and Duke Ellington’s In a Sentimental Mood.

“Relax,” I mouthed. Then I sat back and continued to graze my thumb over her knuckles. While it may have seemed like a sweet gesture, I was actually trying to get her to loosen the death grip she had on my hand. I looked over at her and smiled again. She sank into her seat, leaned her head back, and closed her eyes. Andrew watched the tension in her shoulders seem to melt away.

God she was beautiful, and interesting, and smart, and caring, and driven. We talked about our jobs, families, and dreams. Ironically, though, we still didn’t know each others names. He would get that information about her once they landed. He had to!

For now, he didn’t even want his thoughts to interrupt this moment. He was enjoying having her hand in his. He sat there and watched her doze off and allowed his mind to wonder…

The flight landed and it was time to leave the plane. As they exited, she walked ahead of Andrew and he took in her leopard print flat sandals, distressed jeans, and black t-shirt. She rolled her shoulder bag on top of her small carry on suitcase when she stopped all of a sudden and turned around abruptly. I almost walked right into her.

“Thanks for being the perfect gentleman during our flight. Maybe while you’re here we can grab some food?” Then she slipped her card into my hand, placed that same hand over my chest, then stood on her tip toes to kiss me on the cheek. That electric current we shared had me lit up like a Christmas tree!

My phone vibrated in my pocket. She smiled and sauntered off. What was it about her?

“Hi. Yes. I’ve landed. I’m headed to baggage claim now. Can’t wait to see you too babe.”

Andrew walked to baggage claim with his thoughts as wound up as that card was in his hand. As he stood in front of the carousel, he saw his luggage making its round. He quickly shoved her card into his chest pocket and grabbed his suitcase. Andrew had a big decision to make.

He stepped out into the hot oppressive Tampa summer night air. He stopped to take off his sports jacket. When he looked up, he saw Mia clambering out of her car. She ran over to Andrew and leapt into his arms. “Baby, I’m so glad you’re here!” Mia exclaimed.

Mia’s 5’0 frame wrapped in hazelnut skin was taut and gorgeous. She wore a beautiful hot pink sundress and had her long flowing hair pulled up into a high ponytail with loose curls.

He was definitely happy to see her, but he noticed the absence of that consistent electric current he experienced with Mystery Lady.

“I’m happy to be here with you too, girl! I’ve missed you baby.” I responded with a kiss on her forehead.

Once they were in the car, Mia explained that they would go back to her place and give him time to relax. She was open to going out for dinner or they could stay in depending on how he was feeling. The phone rang and interrupted her non-stop breakdown of our day 1 itinerary.

“Hello? Hi John. I thought I told you guys I would not be on call this weekend…”

While Mia was on the phone, I thought about our newly budding relationship. Mia and I met about 8 months ago when she was finishing up her residency. She was instantly offered a job at HCA Florida South Tampa Hospital within a month and a half of us dating. Work had her locked down most of the times, so I would visit her as often as possible. This was my fourth time visiting in the past 7 months. I needed to have a face-to-face conversation with her about the state of our long distance relationship. It was becoming more challenging for me.

“Sorry about that, baby. Let’s get inside, so you can get inside,” she said playfully with a provocative body roll. We both laughed.

I was in her bedroom unpacking when I remembered the card and pulled it out of my sports jacket pocket. Tabitha Albright. Damn. Did Mystery Lady say her name on the flight? Why did her name sound so familiar?

Mia walked into the room, so I quickly tossed the card into my toiletry bag. She was on FaceTime and the caller kept saying, “I have such a huge surprise for you, girl!”

The doorbell rang. “Babe, can you get that?” Mia yelled from the bathroom. I walked downstairs to answer the door. When I opened it and saw who was standing there, I was instantly confused.

“Wait.” She said.

“Why are you here?” I asked.

“Why the fuck are you here?” She demanded.

*Loud scream/squeal*

“Tabithaaaaaaaa!!!!” I can’t believe you’re here!”

Mia ran past me to scoop her best friend into her arms. Tabitha returned the embrace. Never taking her eyes off me.

Tabitha? No… Hell no! This is Tabitha Albright? How the fuck could this be the same damn person?!

“I… I’ll give you girls some time to catch up, babe. You ladies want coffee?”

“Oh great idea baby. Yes, please,” Mia responded.

“Tabitha, this is my mannnn Andrew! Andrew this is my bestie Tabitha I’ve told you about.”

“A pleasure to finally meet you Andrew,” Tabitha said.

“Likewise.” I replied.

As I slowly turned around to head to the kitchen, I could have sworn Tabitha had tears in her eyes…

Brown Sugar Thoughts

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness.

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”

-Khalil Gibran