Brown Sugar Naps

My ENFP is intrinsically resting today. Generally, I’m optimistic, cheering people up when I clearly see that need it, and I always bring my melanated smile and high cheekbones for confirmation.

Not today. Today, I’m honoring the space I’m in. I’m honoring my thoughts and feelings by not forcing them to remain beneath the surface. Whatever bubbles up, I allow myself to feel it. Isn’t that why it surfaced in the first place? Love and honor what’s in me, on me, and through me.

I’m not working. I’m not talking. I’m not meeting anyone where they are. I’m not encouraging anyone. I’m not listening. I’m not being understanding.

I. Ain’t. Doing. Shit.

I’m resting today. I took a hot bubble bath in the middle of the day with the blinds up. If tears come, I’m allowing them to fall. I am to myself what I am so often to everyone else.

My body, mind, spirit, and soul are napping today. A holistic cleansing is needed, necessary, and priority.

Y’all be easy.

Love & Light!

🤎💋

What Does My Brown Sugar Represent?

I heard a podcast the other day that said:

“White men represent manhood,
White women represent womanhood,
Black men represent blackness,
and Black woman don’t represent anything…”

I’m mentally drained today. Yes, I know how to encourage myself. Yes, I know who I am. Today, though, I’m tired of the repetitive representation of nothingness in the weirdest places.

I’m tired of Black women having to bridle our tongues in the workplace when men can say and react however they please without judgement or reprimand. If I speak my mind like my male counterparts, I’m viewed as angry or a bitch. No, I don’t care, but today I’m tired.

I’m tired of Black women fighting this unspoken intrinsic battle of work and motherhood. In this unmatched game, Black women are expected to work like we don’t have children, and raise our children as if we don’t work. All while no one acknoweldges there aren’t enough hours in the day and most days our hearts can’t bear the heartbreak when forced to choose. Yes, as a single mother, I’m forced to choose often, and today I’m tired.

I’m tired of men telling successful and powerful Black women that they understand and respect our work ethic, but on the days I choose work, you’re left feeling rejected. Adversely, when a man chooses his job in today’s “liberal” society, no one utters a word. In fact, it is expected. It is disgusting to acknowledge how when I don’t change how I work because of a man, I’m labeled as one of those strong Black woman who says she don’t need a man. No, I’m not bending my beliefs, but I’m tired.

Speaking of bending, I’m tired of Black women being contortionist at the risk of compromising her boundaries. It is so unfortunate that when I realize you’ve wasted my time and I no longer want the relationship or your love, my boundary is viewed as my being unfair or wrong. There is such a soft, elegant rebellion in realizing the power in your NO. Additionally, there is such power in realizing your ownership in enabling people when they are incapable of taking in the fullness of you. Yes, I am living a holistic existence regardless of what love and friendships I lose as a result, but I’m tired.

Oh yea, let’s not fail to mention that in every room I step in during this pandemic, everyone wants you to “be thinking about your next move.” Can we truthfully acknoweldge how I barely know my next step?!

I represent womanhood, motherhood, the black woman, melanted, beautiful, black, brown, loving, caring, sister.

I represent love, grace, boundaries, the word NO, humbleness, self-care, charisma.

I represent myself, my struggle, my culture, my hood.

I represent locs, natural hair, big butts with small waists, laughter, joy, tears.

I represent education, mask mandates, graduation rates, test scores, preparation, high school, middle school, the first school in the city for Blacks.

I am so much more than nothing.

I represent many paths for younger generations to blaze.

I am everything.

But today, I’m tired.