Chapter 13 (Jason)

Clink… Clink… Clink

The clinking sound Jason made swirling the ice around in his glass filled the room. His now empty glass had been filled repeatedly with cognac more times than he cared to count.

Jason was reared back in the plush soft leather recliner with his feet propped on the ottoman. He had the television on ESPN, but wasn’t paying attention to the baseball game that was playing. Jason had grown tired of staying in the guesthouse. It had been almost two weeks and Summer still didn’t have anything to say to him. He was left feeling lonely and aggressively missing the connection to his wife, albeit he took advantage of it. In those two weeks he learned that some needs could be met, but connections could not be substituted or replaced. Jason’s emotions quickly spiraled out of control while Summer paraded around as if he didn’t exist. He was angry with her for a couple of days because he felt she was overreacting. She’d leave any room he entered, was always dressed to perfection, had started back wearing lingerie to bed, and would only cook enough for herself. Now, he was  In the midst of this world wind of emotions and realized how he had taken his marriage for granted.

Jason was fighting like hell to do right by his wife, so he made the leap to begin counseling. He knew it was time to get himself right so he could be a better man for his family. When he got to the therapist office, he silently asked God why He would tempt him so soon! Ordinarily, he would have made a pass at his therapist. She was a beautiful and jazzy woman probably in her early fifties. She reminded him a lot of Phylicia Rashad from the Cosby Show. He loved the way she carried herself, and sometimes found himself fantasizing rather than listening to her advice.

So far, she had been very helpful. Jason was going twice a week. He didn’t realize he had so many suppressed emotions concerning his dad. Those suppressed feelings, Jason learned, were the cause of his sexual addiction. It was crazy to Jason how enjoying the warmth of a woman’s love could be considered an addiction.

“I can’t believe I let this shit ruin my marriage.” Jason grunted as he benched pressed the two hundred and seventy-five pounds in his home gym. It was Thursday, and he decided to workout to clear his thoughts after meeting with Annette, his therapist.

Annette had suggested that Jason take some time to figure out what he really wanted. If he really wanted to save his marriage or if his competitive nature was kicking in and he wanted to simply “clear his name.” Annette had said something he thought crazy at first, but the more he thought about it, the more it made sense.

“Men are physical creatures and women are emotional creatures. Men move on, not dwell on the situation. A man is more likely to tell a women, ‘I want us to move forward.’ Women are emotionally invested and connected. They have to process the situation and figure out which way to go next.”

Jason was ready to move past this and didn’t understand why Summer was still punishing him. As time went on, he realized that she was truly hurt and was probably confused on where both the marriage and the family stood. Then to shake salt in her wound, Skylar left that bogus ass voicemail! How in the hell did I forget to take that video from her? This time I hung myself with my own damn rope.

After two hours of strenuous cardio and strength training, Jason decided to go into the main house to shower. He needed more clothes and he needed to give Magnolia, the housekeeper, his dry cleaning. He also wanted to see Summer and hoped she was home. When he walked into the house, he inhaled the sweet vanilla scent. He loved that faint sweet scent. That fragrance let him know Summer wasn’t far, and had probably just left the room. He instantly felt himself become overwhelmed with stabbing grief at the thought of losing his family. Jason took his time traveling up the stairs to the bedroom shower. Partially because he was apprehensive about what to say when he saw Summer, and hoped she was up there.

Slowly, Jason opened the door, and was disappointed in what he saw. Summer was nowhere in sight. The bedroom had appeared as if she hadn’t been there at all. Jason showered and changed into a fresh pair of Ralph Lauren khaki’s and a coral colored ralph lauren polo styled shirt. He took his dry cleaning downstairs for Magnolia and decided to head out to meet his son Ayden for lunch. Before leaving he left a note for Summer letting her know that they would have dinner tonight.

“This has gone on long enough. I’m tired and I can’t even imagine how you are feeling, but it’s time we stop running and stop being angry. Tonight we will get answers and move forward. Tonight we heal. Dinner will be at 7:30. I love you.”

Jason walked out of the house with his mind set on placing the pieces of the puzzle back together. When he settled into his car, he noticed a card on the dashboard. His heart leaped! Jason quickly tore open the envelope and found a card. On the front, it read, “Remember when my heart acknowledged yours? 07/31/1998” Jason was so nervous about what was written inside the card. When he opened it, a sheet of notebook paper fell out. Jason opened it and immediately knew what it was. It was the letter Summer wrote him many years ago after he took her virginity. They dated for nearly three years before Summer slept with Jason.

So, I got caught up. Caught up in the moment. The moment when my breath ended. Where yours began. My arms had you wrapped in the most intense embrace. You had my mane, that told the story of the strongest nation, in the palm of your hand, much like my heart. I laid there, vulnerable, wanting, aching, for you. To taste your tongue… Feel the dance it so rhythmically does with mine when our lips touch. Wanting to feel you fill me to the point where all breath leaves my body. Needing you to push deep enough for all fear, doubt, mistrust, disappointment, and confusion to no longer reside. I was caught up in that magical moment we create so well so often. You asked me how I felt about you. My heart screamed, “I’m so in love with you Jason!” but my head knew that love was like an earthquake and earthquakes caused damage. They leave behind massive amounts of hurt, pain, destruction. But before I could decipher between which was right or wrong, I got caught up in the safety of your arms, and welcomed the earthquake. Allowed you to shift the first tectonic plate deep inside of me. Caused the mortar that held the breaks surrounding my heart to crack apart. My fight or flight immediately kicked in. I shifted under the weight of you, knew there was no where to run for cover. Left out in the open. Vulnerable with no protection. And before I could cry for help, the words, “I’m in love with you Jason!” swiftly escaped my lips like a prisoner circumventing the confines of Alcatraz. Those words broke free from my soul and poured like honey from my fingertips. The magnitude on the Richter scale of my heart jumped up a notch. I knew the pain those words would bring, but there was nothing I could do about it. They had already been released into the atmosphere. It was the affirmation needed to confirm the destruction to come. You devoured me as soon as the words left my lips. Kissed me as deeply as the arch in my back. Before I could scream out not to listen to me, not to believe me, I could feel your heart racing upon my breasts, could feel the reciprocity of your love for me emitting through my pores. The transference of energy causing vibrations so deep that it caused a wave my ancestors felt. I got caught up. At this point I was enclosed in an entrapment I never saw coming. How could a rose really grow from concrete without at least fertile soil and someone tending to it regularly? As the earth inside of me continued its paradigm shift, I felt you break ground when you penetrated me slowly, yet intensely. My nails dug into your back as a sigh escaped your lips. I welcomed the earthquake that became more magnanimous with each stroke knowing full well there would be no search and rescue team that could help me recover from the damage I knew would be left as a result. I had to track it all. Needed to record this series of events because history was in the making. All I could do was open the book of The Beginning of Us in hopes that it wouldn’t somehow translate into the book of The Ending of Me……..

Jason sat there motionless. His mind was racing with thoughts from that day, and his heart was full from the love he had for his wife. A lone tear slid from Jason’s eye when he read the inside of the card. “Turns out it’s The Ending of Me.”