“The lease is up in September. I’ve started looking for a place. You should start looking for a place for you too.”
With all the courage I had left in my body, and 100% certainty, those three sentences ended my marriage. Today makes six years since I made good on my promise to both myself and my children. While Halloween means different things to so many people, for me, it is a celebration of my freedom, power, and voice.
The truth is, my marriage had lost its fire long before this decision was made. We’d lost the ability and desire to breathe life into the bones of our once thriving union. While he was content with going through the motions, walking around the house not speaking to one another, and living as roommates, I was slowly coming out of depression. I realized I could afford to leave. That’s it. That was the bottom line. I could afford it. I was done trying to stay because I’d made vows. I was done trying to stay because I thought he’d hit rock bottom without me. I was done trying to stay so my children could grow up with a father in the house. I was done trying to stay to save face for people who could care less one way or the other.
The movers showed up to move all of the things I’d purchased. I didn’t touch any of his things. If we purchased them together, they belonged to him. Whatever I didn’t have, either I didn’t need it or I would eventually get again. The movers took the kids and me to our new home nestled in the heart of our city. When they realized they were moving ONLY the children and me, they stayed longer. They set up the beds, connected the washer and dryer, and made sure we had the necessities in place before leaving. I’ve never forgotten that impactful wink from God!
Our new home was just two blocks from a hospital. Because I’d left the bed with my ex, I slept on the couch that first night. Around 2am, I was staring at the ceiling, listening to a helicopter obviously prepare to land on the hospital’s helipad. In that moment, I remember this warm fulfilling peace wash over me. It was a peace I hadn’t felt in years, and didn’t realize I hadn’t felt it. Don’t get me wrong, leaving my ex-husband was one of the most terrifying moves I’d made, but that move also saved my life.
I’m sitting near my bedroom window sipping peach tea and recalling the events of that day. My heart is full. Those closest to me showed up and simply helped. No one shamed me for leaving. No one was rude to him. They just helped. Make sure your circle has this type of impact. I’m so proud of that version of me for speaking up for herself. I’m proud of her for following her heart. I’m proud of her for trusting God. I’m proud of her, and because of that, today I celebrate her being a #BOSS!
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