“Love and abundance surround me everyday. All is well in my body and my world, and I can create a life I love.”
I’ve been more intentional about manifesting my thoughts into things lately because honestly, I got tired of being sad, depressed, and lost. I got up each day and put on a smile like a piece of clothing, and tended to my day with a mask on. I started to hate my job, and was so deeply unhappy with the way my life was unfolding.
Every once in awhile, I’d get these glimpses of happiness, but because my mental state was so negative, dark even, I couldn’t hold onto that happiness and manifest it into more. Then I got tired. I literally had to force myself to shift my thinking. I was healing and things were changing right before my eyes! I was putting myself back together using nothing but self-love and God’s grace.
Then last week, I got sick. I jumped on Elderberry with a hot cup of Echinacea tea, and my daughter put peppermint oil in my Diffuser… and just like that I was paralyzed. When Kip started treatment, I figured out peppermint helped with the nausea, so I put peppermint oil in his Diffuser often. Grief is so crippling sometimes, and to be honest, it can be annoying AF because there’s nothing you can do about it, or the person you’ve lost. Like, seriously??? The scent of peppermint sends me spiraling into this emotional whirlwind? #Siccud
The light, I guess I could say, is in the small images and messages I still have of and from Kip. I often find my healing in the smile those images and messages give me. One February, while we were listening to Lizz Wright’s “When I Fall,” (this girl is dope too, you should definitely check her out) he sent me a long message that tells the story of how he manifested… me into his life. Enjoy!
“When I was in my twenties, I went to hear a female minister of the Nation of Islam speak one Sunday. Her name was Sister Ava Muhammad. Her delivery was beautiful and calming. Her demeanor was so peaceful, her personality so full of gentle charisma that it made it easy to understand her message. And what a powerful message it was. The thing that stood out to me most though was when she spoke of our dreams and thoughts and Gods connection to them and us. She said thoughts and dreams come and pass often. But when one constantly returns and finds it way back to you with regularity, that’s Allah revealing to you one of your purposes in life. It’s his way of showing you what’s for you.
When I first laid eyes on you I felt something that I dismissed as lust at first. You appealed to me physically. But in that brief moment I also sensed something else but I didn’t understand what it was. I was only aware that ..it was. Days, maybe weeks passed without a thought, but the thought of you returned. Whats her name again? Tara Harris. Is she on Facebook? Yes, she is. And so I sought you out. Hey I’m Uzell. I’m not sure if you remember but I met you at BTW one day I was hanging with Jig. I remember….Weeks maybe months pass without a thought but the thought of you came back to me again. A “like” here…a comment there….Months maybe weeks pass without a thought but the thought of you returned yet again. Let me check her pic out, let me see what she’s talking about today…Repeat…damn she knows music….repeat…slip in a joke about her team….but the thought of you always returned….
Happy New Year…damn its her…Happy New Year to you as well…
Sister Ava taught that if a thought never goes away Allah is revealing something that is meant for you…a purpose, a goal, a task, a gift. When he does, you don’t ignore it. You say Inshallah (if it is the will of Allah) and fulfill your purpose. You’re my purpose, my goal, my task, my gift, and most importantly my heart. Where have you been all my life? You are what I pictured when I imagined love back in my twenties. If I had to rename you baby, your name would be Yoko. I’m just saying…”
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