Brown Sugar’s Life Lessons

Trust is so easily broken and rarely ever restored.

I was driving through midtown one afternoon, sunroof back (cause winter is apparently still on vacation) and listening to my old school R&B jams, when this driver swerved in front of me, causing me to slam on brakes, swerve, and call on my savior all at the same time. I did the whole over protective mom bit: pulled down the rear view mirror and looked in my kid’s faces prepared to explain what had just happened. Oddly, they never looked up from their games and books. They weren’t the least bit concerned about whatever had happened in that split second because they trusted me enough to work it out. (Didn’t that just preach?)

That’s a powerful type of trust. One that’s lacking in many relationships, friendships, families, and some marriages. I had this life-altering epiphany that my children trusted me, not because I’m their mom, or I’m this super cute Devi, who looks amazing in flats, stilettos, or Nikes, but simply because I hadn’t given them a reason not to. The pressure that came with that statement caused me to view parenting through a different lens.

As a single parent who’s having to guide her children through a messy divorce, it’s easy to get lost in the rigamarole of day-to-day activities. I’ve caught myself wanting more alone time, wanting a break, wanting to enjoy a regular yoga class, wanting to hit the gym, wanting to follow through with date night (or not, cause dating in 2015… That’s a different post for a later time, but chile…), but I’ve made it a bit of my mantra to teach them how to deal with the hurt rather than coast through it. At any moment, the way I react to my children’s father during this situation could cost me their trust. So, I’m driven by honesty and loyalty. Those two characteristics are lacking greatly in our society. They’re nothing more than tattoos and fashion statements, but I want my children to value them, and they will.

Although I know all too well how hard it is to find balance as a single parent, I’m also aware that it’s not impossible. Being able to create balance starts with recognizing what it is you need. What I know at this point is that this life-altering event will shape my children’s views on relationships, commitment, love, marriage, trust, and loyalty.  How it shapes their views is where I come in! I would never thrust my trust issues onto my children; however, I do want them to understand who they should trust. Psalm 118:8 tells us, “It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.” The moment we begin to shift our focus is the moment we leave room for disappointment. I believe in love, and commitment, and marriage, and loyalty all because I trust a God who will provide a man who embodies all of those characteristics. I want to lead by example when it comes to showing my daughter how she should be treated in a relationship and showing my son how he should treat a woman in a relationship.

Because my children trust me enough to work it out, I will instill in them these life lessons on trust that will keep them open and fresh and positive. One day, they’ll have their own little people looking to them to work it out, and I want them to be able to handle it.

Be good to each other. If the other person’s energy isn’t receptive of your positive energy, use your CEO powers and remove them from your life’s roster. Only good vibes over here. All my love fam! #namaste

Brown Sugar

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