Life Business

First let me start by wishing my little rolly-polly a happy five months old today!!!

marriage-blog

Now to the issue at hand…Webster (okay, it’s not webster, it’s whatever dictionary program I have on my laptop, the mac dictionary person) defines insecure as not confident or assured; uncertain and anxious.

This one word is the sole purpose of this post. As a child, my mom called me a pack-rat. I never knew why she would say that until I got to college. I keep so many things for the memories. I realized that this trait developed shortly after my father died; I had problems letting go of “things.” I was afraid that if I lost that item, I would lose that memory. Around the time I lost my father, I also lost several family members. I felt that people were too fickle, so I kept “things” in shoe boxes and drawers. I can define things as letters, cards, emails, I have a ton (literally) of photos from high school, college, and it looks like I took a photo EVERYDAY of my first daughter. I truly enjoy sitting down and going through these things reading, laughing, and remembering where I was at that part of my life! I am very aware that I am no longer the person I once was, but I am still that person. I’m speaking figuratively, someone reading knows what I mean.

Now at my young tender age 🙂 I am a mother and wife. I live a different lifestyle now than those high school and college photos. Is it wrong of me to still keep those photos although I am married? Did I mention that in high school I dated my husband? Yep, he’s been around quite sometime. Now many of us are blessed with the ability to recollect our pasts, and although we are able, we don’t remember everything.

Being married requires so much transitioning and learning. Sometimes you even give up parts of who you are to make things work. It may be selfish, but there are some things I feel I shouldn’t give up. If they are memories, then let them be, right? I love devoting myself to my 107+ (educators know that even some that you don’t teach somehow become yours) children at work, my two beautiful children at home, and my husband. It gets a little demanding at times, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. All I ask is that I have something to myself, and having something to myself does not necessitate insecurities in my household.

I was told that when you get married, you give up the I’s for we. Does that mean that I give up all of who I am?

I was told to wait until I was 30 to get married. My coach told me that once, now my cousin, who is almost 30, has jumped onto the bandwagon head first! She believes wholeheartedly that she should have listened to our coach and waited until she was 30.

I am aware that I was very vague explaining this situation, but I hope that I have written enough to get some feedback from my fellow bloggers! Nice or harsh, I’d love to hear it!

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. dmgreen80
    Jan 25, 2009 @ 15:06:28

    Aww happy 5 months of being in this world to baby brown sugar

    Anyway i once did the same thing. I just kept small items as a remnder to myself of some of the good times and good people or events in my life that I wanted to remember. I did not think anything of it until my stuff came up missing and i realized that a certain young lady had thrown my “ish” away. I was very upset needless to say because I felt like the items were a part of my history and I wanted to hold on to them forever. That is when I actually realized that some people just don’t want to know about the other person’s past but my theory is if you didn’t want to know hell you shouldn’t have looked in the box!!!

    I don’t think you can put an age on when you should get married. I know people who married at a very young age and to this day they are still happily married and at the same time I know people who waited to “mature” and ended up getting divorced almost immediately. I feel as though you should get married when both parties are ready and willing to make certain sacrifices that they normally would not make so if it’s 18 or 35 just make sure you are willing to put in work. Marriage is always going to be a learning proccess and you have to work as a team to make it work and to get anything accomplised.

    LOL of course I have not had the best luck so I have never had the pleasure of getting married and having that one person to lean on for support and what not so these are just some of my views on what a marriage should be!!

    Reply

  2. tcakes
    Jan 25, 2009 @ 22:18:12

    Happy 5 month day tootie wootie!!!

    Let me start off by saying you did rather well… I’m proud. You were vague enough to allow me to read between the lines!

    To the matter at hand… I have to be honest, I don’t feel THAT comfortable commenting because I am so not close to getting married. You think I am playing? I have butterflies in my stomach, and sweaty palms just sitting in somebody elses wedding. If I think too hard about that type of commitment, I begin to feel a little smothered borderline claustrophobic. I’m serious!!!

    In saying that, I know that this is not a person who is ready and able to make a marriage work. This is a person that has a few things to fix, before she can begin working on a life-long commitment. Add this to the fact the same person who told you 30, told me I didn’t really have to get married, it was for the birds!

    Let me cut cross the field, cuz you bout to make go ahead and blog. 😉

    From what I hear, in that marriage thing, you pick and choose your battles, there are some things (no matter how dear to you) that may have to go (like maybe even a picture or two). I said SOME. Some things definitly won’t leave (like Kelcie). See what I’m trying to say? This much I know for sure: married or not… the key is to put into him all you have, without giving up all of you. It’s important to keep “Tara” around, because it’s “Tara” that makes such a good wife, or mommy, or any of the many shoes that you fill. It’s impossible to fill those shoes without her.

    Everybody knows, you can not have a clear focus of where you are going if you can’t reflect on from whence you have come. It’s funny how the very things that make you fall in love with a person, are the same things that cause battles later on.

    Okay so what would I do? I think that I would keep my memories. That’s just what they are… memories. Right in this little spot though is the difference between male and female and the difference in how they think. I completely understand what you are doing, why you are doing it, what it means to you, and what it does not mean to you. I’d do the same, I’m sure of it. Just think of the stories you can tell the kids one day!

    ***sidenote: My dad went to high school with my oldest sister’s mom. Though things obviously didn’t work, they remain friendly. She keeps to this very day a picture of her and her date at the 11th grade homecoming dance. Yeah, she was dating my dad then, but got mad at him and accepted Bruce Brooks (girl we ALL know about Bruce Brooks) invite to go. My dad fusses about that to this day whenever he sees her. It’s really a cute story now, especially when they tell it in front of their four grandchildren.***

    It’s important to remember there are times that things can esculate just because of the manner in which something was said, or a matter can be blown out of proportion due to underlying issues that they have never even made the partner aware of. (I’m consistently guilty of the latter.) Though I’d keep my memories, I would try my best to get him to understand my motives and consistenly try to iron out any insecurities that he may have.

    Now… I have written entirely too much! Check my blog in the near future… I have a slight twist to the story.

    Love ya!

    Reply

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