Friend (or not) Business -long post

Can you all tell that I am in a serious blogging mood?

Well, I’ve been trying to blog about this topic for quite some time now. I have this ex-bff, let’s call her *Sally, that I’ve known just about my entire life (since 2nd grade). We lost touch after my father passed, only to find out that we lived on the same hall our freshman year of college. We were the best of friends-inseparable. We pledged our sorority together and were extremely supportive of each others decisions-good or bad. She was in the room when I gave birth to my daughter, we graduated from college together, and I was there when she found out she was pregnant with her daughter. Now granted the father of her child can be a bit of a chauvinist, but he has a good heart. I’ve known him since elementary school, we fought in sixth grade, and he is my husbands bff! (The term tickles me when it is used towards males).

Well fast-forward about seven years.
When she found out that she was preggers, I supported her, in any way she needed it. I told her then that I hated that she was pregnant by him, but I would support whatever decision she chose to make. She had a fairly difficult pregnancy-emotionally because of the father of her daughter and her over-bearing mother. There wasn’t a favor to great that I wouldn’t do for her, but she lashed out at me because I had made a joke about the name she had chosen for her child. It was Stone. I said that I would call lil poo-poo rock. Needless to say, she was pissed. Now when we had Christmas dinner with our sands, there were jokes made, worse than what I had said-she said nothing. We had New Year’s lunch with some friends from college. Again, jokes were made-she said nothing. Now why is it that she turned on me and lashed out over the exact same thing? Too minor to be concerned.

So we haven’t spoken in over a year. When her daughter was born, of course I knew, because like I told you, the father is my husband’s bff. My husband went to the hospital to see the baby and congratulate his friend and meet his new niece. I didn’t go. Didn’t let my daughter go either. I said it was because it was past her bedtime, but deep down I know that it was more than that. Just didn’t want any part of the foolishness. Did I fail to mention that before she had her daughter-who is absolutely adorable- I bought a very nice swing from her registry and NEVER received a simple “Thank you”? Too minor to be concerned. So no I did not want to be around her. Saw the kid when the father had her.

I did contact her when our mutual bff, let’s call her *Cynthia’s, (once it was three of us-the three muskateers) mother passed. It was a difficult time for Cynthia and I knew that she wanted both of us there. Can you believe that *Sally was so selfish to have asked Cynthia if she was avoiding her when Cynthia didn’t answer her phone calls?! Never mind that the girls mom had died. wow. Now we spoke long enough to drive out of town to be with Cynthia and go back a week later for her mom’s funeral. After that, she stopped talking to the both of us. Learned she changed her number (like someone was harassing her) and doesn’t even speak to Cynthia anymore. That truly hurt her. She never did anything to Sally. I was bothered for a while, but everyone is not meant to be your friend.


5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. lethal15
    Jan 19, 2009 @ 12:54:36

    Your last line sums it all up!! Everyone is not meant to be your friend!


  2. Paulasoul
    Jan 19, 2009 @ 23:18:29

    I agree with the first comment. Some people are only with us for a season. I know that maybe you had hopes of saying this would be your friend forever, but I promise you, for your own mental well-being, let her go on. There will be other friends. Who knows, maybe she’ll come around one day. in the meantime, Ask God to help you not to have bitterness in your heart towards her.


  3. CrimCab32
    Jan 23, 2009 @ 17:57:05

    There are many sayings out there regarding friends but I like the one about the seasons. People come into our lives for just a season. May be a season of grief, a season of hope, or a season of change. Her season was up.


  4. brownsugar5
    Jan 23, 2009 @ 19:32:35

    Welcome CrimsonCaboose! Glad you stopped by! You spake a word when you said her season was up! Made a lot of sense. Don’t be a stranger!


  5. missnatalie79
    Jan 27, 2009 @ 17:35:32

    one thing a bout a “root” friend (referring to Madea’s philopshy) they are there no matter what!! their relationship is grounded by something so strong that a lil petty thing like that can’t phase them!!! a root friend would be able to tell you that your joke although harmless really bothered them, they would allow you the opportunity to apologize and whatever and then it’s over!!!!

    so yeah i totally concur, let that “leaf” friend GO!!!!


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